I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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