I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
