Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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