i just had sex bonerless
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
