what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
