I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
