the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
