He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
