How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize
