I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
