he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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