oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
