I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
