Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
