Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
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