Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
