better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
