Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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