im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
