Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
