So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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