I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
