Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
