I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
