you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
