dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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