I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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