How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
