just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I need a beard to bite.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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