everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
