just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
