someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
