What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
