She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
