Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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