My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I miss vodka workout Fridays
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
