Whod you bang
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
