Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
