It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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