We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
