Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Randomize
