What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
