my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
