just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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