Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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