sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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