Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
