His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
We are all done wearing pants today
A bitchslap is in order.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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