Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
