Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
