Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
